having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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