There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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