U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
