We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
