her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
