So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She bit a glass in half.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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