Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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