I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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