My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
