Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
