Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
