Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
