He is an equal opportunity slut.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
