I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
