My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
