why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
