Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
