a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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