maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
