I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
