chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
