what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
