pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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