I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
