I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
