why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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