spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
