I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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