Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
