did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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