About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All the doctor said was why
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
