Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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