I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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