my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
