he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
