Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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