Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
