Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
