You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
