it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish I only lived at night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
