***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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