got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
