do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
