Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my sisters under your porch take her home
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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