haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
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