i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
