im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
