THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just high enough for therapy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
