you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
