so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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