Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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