If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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