we have officially lost it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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