Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
