hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
