so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
