He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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